everything became wundaaafEl again at... Friday, February 21, 2003.
As the sun sets, boredom taking control of my weary mind,
My eyes drift closed as my hands go limp.
Slowly I submit to the lull of the incessant calling sleep.
And I dream…

A vibrant valley, color, blindingly cheerful, joy radiating from every direction.
Children laugh and skip around happily like birds flitting.
Jumping, hopping, chasing after one another.
An extreme sense of peace presents itself to my calm mind.

Pink petals float around me swirling. Cherry blossoms. Weaving through my hair.
Soaring on the breeze, I can hear the winds, tinkling cheerful laughter.
Like chimes or a small brook skipping on the rocks beneath.
What is that? A chill…I can smell doom, its odor consuming the perfume of cherry blossoms.

A roaring fills my ears as the breeze turns into a harsh biting wind.
It sweeps through the valley. Roars through the valley…
Leaving great destruction in its wake…great destruction and death…
Blinking rapidly I turn away from the wind…glancing at the aftermath…

A desolate wasteland, covered with clouds of dust…I choke,
Silence reigning and no movement seen…do my eyes deceive me?
Thousands of bodies lay still and cold…deathly calm…could it be?
The children’s faces twisted in a scream but it is silent…my footsteps are gone.
i am a queer child yes i am. that was a poem from 7th grade >.< i am a queeerrr child.
09:33 p.m.
Archive

everything became wundaaafEl again at... Thursday, February 20, 2003.
Just something i was vaguely amused by. if you dunt feel like being entertained, skip down, deres a point to this entry sumwhere >.<
If you cannot find Osama, bomb Iraq.
If the markets are a drama, bomb Iraq.
If the terrorists are frisky,
Pakistan is looking shifty,
North Korea is too risky,
Bomb Iraq.
If we have no allies with us, bomb Iraq.
If we think someone has dissed us, bomb Iraq.
So to hell with the inspections,
Let's look tough for the elections,
Close your mind and take directions,
Bomb Iraq.
It's "pre-emptive non-aggression", bomb Iraq.
Let's prevent this mass destruction, bomb Iraq.
They've got weapons we can't see,
And that's good enough for me
'Cos it's all the proof I need
Bomb Iraq.
If you never were elected, bomb Iraq.
If your mood is quite dejected, bomb Iraq.
If you think Saddam's gone mad,
With the weapons that he had,
(And he tried to kill your dad),
Bomb Iraq.
If your corporate fraud is growin', bomb Iraq.
If your ties to it are showin', bomb Iraq.
If your politics are sleazy,
And hiding that ain't easy,
And your manhood's getting queasy,
Bomb Iraq.
Fall in line and follow orders, bomb Iraq.
For our might knows not our borders, bomb Iraq.
Disagree? We'll call it treason,
Let's make war not love this season,
Even if we have no reason,
Bomb Iraq.

you know you thought that was funny xP
so life has been very nice and quiet for a while. hopefully it will stay that way. if it doesn't...::Growls:: but okkayy...did most of my vacation hw, have a lil ss and a personal essay for english left. which brings me to the point of this entry sorta kinda nott. I don't know what to write. I can be cliche and write a lil piece of bullshit on love, but that means I have to think about it but i CANT becuz. xP I can write for a grade and try to keep with a light cheery, humourous essay but I think its gunna come out a lil forced. i can do something philosophical on life...but...iunno. I feel like I wanna read Freud and Jung and Nietzche before delving into that stuff. lol. Yes mingerRs is strange. but the bottom line is i can't write. I need to some how hone that stupid ass blade of mine and try to pull togetha and write sumtin good. Actually I don't care if I get the personal essay done, I just want to be able to write something *good*. Fiction whatever. As long as I don't wince and delete it...which i've been doing a lot of. DAMNIT when I was in seventh, even part of eighth I never had this problem >.< Now I have to search through my mind for an image to portray, for a character I want to build...and then it comes out forced. I need some serious r&r and kill all that factual bull that's been placed in my mind by school. I need some imagination, some beauty... something. anything but the mechanical stuff i've been living and dealin with now a days. Its very tempting to blow off ss till sunday and just work on my writing. I think i'll do just that. lol. so much for a productive vacation...although if i get over my writer's block wtih this...it would be the most beatuiful vacation ever. alrites...me dun bitchin nd being frustrated. xP lattas.
Music + Nas "Nothing Lasts Forever"
everything eventually comes to an end so try to savor the moment cuz time flies don't it, the beauty in life, you gotta make it last for the better, cuz nothin lasts forever.

03:54 p.m.
Archive

everything became wundaaafEl again at... Wednesday, February 19, 2003.
wow lotsa reading material for yu recently.
survery
my name is: ming tseng
nicknames : minga tsenga, mingsta, mingie, poOkie xD
in the morning i am : desperatly tryin to fight off the irritating sunshine and go back to my warm dreams
all i need is : money, love, you
love is : bittersweet and painful, but like oxygen, you can't live without it and lol it slowly kills you and wears you down ahahhaa.
if i could see one person right now : anyone of my friends, God even tho he not a pershun >.< an anime character LOL, nicholas tse and rape him for his hair >.<
im afraid of : worms >.< love
i dream about : everything lols. frum jurassic park to strange chinese men to f4 to assasins xD
have you ever...
pictured your crush naked : lol no bcuz i dunt have a crush
been in love : i dink sho.
cried when someone died : yes
lied : to my parents ::sigh::
favorites...
your favorite food : i dunt reallie have one....CHOCLATE is da greatest tho.
your favorite fruit : strawberrieEs, mangOos, kiwis, clementynEees
your favorite movie : Matrix, Con Air lol im so queer
your favorite music : "hip hop", "r&b", sapPie moosic
with the opposite sex...
what do you notice first : eyes x)
last person u slow danced with : dunno
scruff or clean shaven : clean shaven
tall or short : tall
what's the best[worst!] pick-up line : hi babe, wassap, yu look hot, need help removing those clothes?
who...
makes u laugh the most : uuHh...lotsa ppl make me laugh, either for their stupidity or bcuz dere funny =P
makes you smile : my friends x)
gives u a funny feeling when u see them : uh. define funny?
has a crush on u : no one hopefully bcuz God hasn't created neone dat stupid yet
is easier to talk to: easier to talk to then who? o.0
do you ever...
sit on the internet all day waiting for someone special to IM u : no. not recently define speshul lol
save aol/aim conversations : yesh occasionally.
cried because of someone saying something to u : rarely and usually that someone is my parents >.<
fallen for your best friend : nope
been rejected : how can i be rejected if i never took the first step
rejected someone : lol ehehe.
used someone : tests =X --;; aiiiii yah
been cheated on : nope
been kissed : nope xD innocence is astounding
done something u regret : hellll yesh
do you...
color your hair : nope
habla espanol : si.
trust others way too easily : no but im friendly most ob da tym
are you/could you...
obsessive : yes!
live without the computer : nope
how people are on ur buddylist : 150+
what hurts the most...physical or emotional pain : emotional.
final questions...
i want to be : a better friend and person
i love : you
i miss : the old days
i wonder : if i'll ever get that tiffany ring+necklace i saw, the pretty one door benz xD, the mansion, achieve my goals, make eveyone happy...::sighhh::
Music + Tupac "Me and My Girlfriend"

08:55 p.m.
Archive

everything became wundaaafEl again at... Tuesday, February 18, 2003.
was watching anna + the king...ehhh it was interesting. not all that great. i wuz squeamish about the romantic aspect of their relationship and almost phew-ed out loud when they didn't even kiss. and then i felt robbed. and then i thought it was so sweet how he was like "now i understand how a man can be satisfied with only one woman" and he clings onto her hand and kisses it. puahaha funny. and then earlier on he wuz like "i understand your surprise, not as many wives and concubines as the emperor of china, however he did not spend the first half of his life in a monastery, but now i believe in making up for lost time." That was jus a great line xD xD xD and then the song at the end came on and i was just like, how fitting...its really not all that great but considering yes the king had loved her...and couldn't be with her cause she was a commoner...it was suitable and endlessly sad because of that.
Joy Enriequez + How Can I Not Love You
cannot touch,
cannot hold,
cannot be together,
cannot love,
cannot kiss,
cannot have each other
must be strong and we must let go
cannot say what our hearts must know
how can i not love you
what do i tell my heart
when do i not want you
here in my arms
how does one waltz away from all of the memories
how do i not miss you when you are gone
cannot dream
cannot share
sweet and tender moments
cannot feel how we feel
must pretend its over
must be brave
and we must go on
must not say what we've known all along
how can i not love you
what do i tell my heart
when do i not want you
here in my arms
how does one waltz away from all of the memories
how do i not miss you when you are gone
how can i not love you when you are gone
::sighs:: yes the lyrics are applicable in most relaitonships as well i guess....but if you think about what the song is saying...its so depressing. oh well. and LOLs me nd charlotte were discussing perfect guys and stuff....and lols howard wants nicholas tse's recent? hair. So i am not the only one who thinks his hair is so fuKing attractive xD torrey thinks nicholas is jus hot over all. Sometimes I agree, most of the time I don't, anyone stupid enough to crash a beautiful black ferrari is bad in my book =P but goddddAAAMmmmnnn how does one guy have such beautiful hair? dang if i wasn't a girl...i would take that hair so fast, who cares if i look like a fobbish gay ass. xP but i shud've been a guy. pout. my personality is more like one. I would prollie look better over all if i was a guy, i have an excuse to be buff and beat ppl within an inch of their life >=D yes ming is abloodthirsty bitch of a son. alright...me gonna go read stories and NOT do my school homework >.< oh no. and then i wannaaa go out and have FUN =( =( =( pouuuttt. suckiness abounds!~~ buh baiii
Amerie + I Just Died
not a reallie good song ::shrug:: and shoOOot...
Jet Li + DMX in CRADLE 2 THE GRAVE
whyyy oh WHY is it coming out on the 28 and NOT during our vacation? godddamn!~ ;;sigh:: sum1 hates me!~
12:43 p.m.
Archive

everything became wundaaafEl again at... Monday, February 17, 2003.
yu must be bored to read this
The Usual
-- Name: ming/mingster xD xD
-- Birthdate: July 16
-- Birthplace: Taiwan, Ping Tung??
-- Current Location: home in NYC
-- Eye Color: brown
-- Hair Color: black/brown
-- Righty or Lefty: righty
-- Zodiac Sign: Cancer
-- Innie or Outtie: innie

Describe
-- Your heritage: Taiwanese/Chinese =P
-- The shoes you wore today: none, socks tho..
-- Your hair: past shoulders, upper back
-- Your eyes: brown, loox akin to stab wounds ^^
-- Your weakness? many weaknesses...my temper, procrascination, lack of brain, food, you xD
-- Your fears: worms yUCK, ppl close to meh dying x(, failure, life.
-- Your perfect pizza: cheese, pepperoni, chicken
-- One thing you'd like to achieve: happiness fer meh nd my friends, that mansion + party i've been dreaming about, alla my goals
What is
-- Your most overused phrase on MSN: "..."
-- Your thoughts first waking up: sleeeeppyyyy! >.<
-- The first physical feature you notice in the opposite sex: eyes
-- Your best physical feature: um...........................i dunt have any. xP eyes/hair???????? ::shrug::
-- Your bedtime: ranges...generally whenver i want xD
-- Your greatest accomplishment: uh....bein obnoxiously stupid xD
-- Your most missed memory: those days when i didn't kno hatred, only warmth, only happiness, only joy, ignorance is truly bliss.
You prefer
-- Pepsi or coke: Pepsi
-- McDonald's or Burger King: mcdonalds..rather wendys
-- Single or group dates: lols group is more fun, but single is more private ::shrug:: not that i'll be going on any...
-- Adidas or nike: nike
-- Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: neither
-- Chocolate or vanilla: Chocolate!!!
-- Cappuccino or coffee: coffeee w/ sugar xP
-- Boxers or briefs: boxers
Do you
-- Smoke: nope
-- Cuss: lols yesh but im trying to quit >.<
-- Sing well: haahahahahaaa NO
-- Take a shower everyday: yuPs
-- Have a crush(es): nope, but i seem to swoon a lot xP
-- who are they: uuuhh.. --;;
-- Do you think you've been in love: im in love with you =)
-- Want to go to college: of course but i dunt think i'll make it in >.<
-- Like high school: eehhh, sum wat
-- Want to get married: i'd like to get proposed to, but the idea of marriage is jus......
-- Type w/ your fingers on the right keys: yups x)
-- Believe in yourself: .............................................no.
-- Get motion sickness: occasionally
-- Think you're attractive: ................................hell F*ckin no!~ breaking mirrors, cracking windows >.<
-- Think you're a health freak: not reallie...i WANT to be...will power x)
-- Get along with your parents: occasionally
-- Like thunderstorms: like them.
-- Play an instrument: --;;

In the past month, did/have you
-- Drank alcohol: yuPs
-- Smoke(d): nopes
-- Done a drug: nopes
-- Have Sex: noPes
-- Made Out: nopes
-- date: nopes
-- Go to the mall?: Yeps
-- Eaten an entire box of Oreos: oreos suckkk
-- Eaten sushi: yups
-- Been on stage: Nope
-- Been dumped: Nope
-- Gone skating: nopes ::sigh::
-- Made homemade cookies: nope
-- Gone skinny dipping: nope
-- Dyed your hair: nope
-- Stolen anything: surveys
Have you ever
-- Played a game that required removal of clothing?: lols no, but that wud be interesting --;;
-- Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: not reallie
-- Been caught "doing something": nopes
-- Been called a tease: --;; nope
-- Gotten beaten up: Nopes not yet
-- Shoplifted: Nope
-- If so, did you get caught: nope
-- Changed who you were to fit in: no. i've changed. a lot to my chagrin, but it was inevitable *sigh*
The future
-- Age you hope to be married: 24-26
-- Numbers and Names of Children: 2, one adopted/one born??????? dunno names
-- Descibe your Dream Wedding: garden/church lotsa roses [im allergic LOL >.<] long white trailing gown x)
-- How do you want to die: In my sleep/ i don't want to die, i don't want to grow old
-- What do you want to be when you grow up: billionaire xD/writer/nurse/teacher/doctor?
-- What country would you most like to visit: Britain, France, Taiwan again, China
Opposite sex (this should be fun...)
-- Best eye color? any, as long as it loox good
-- Best hair color? black
-- Short or long hair?: Depends on the style, generally short
--Best height: TALL, but not so tall i feel inferior and have to be picked up --;; i'll settle 5' 11"-6 ft xP
-- Best weight: average - with muscle x) x) -- Best articles of clothing: clothing what clothing? im KIDDING. uhh...Jacket/shirt
-- Best first date location: movies
-- Best first kiss location: ::shrug::
Number of
-- Number of drugs taken illegally: 2
-- Number of people I could trust with my life: im very flippant about my life...
-- Number of CDs that I own: 5? lols i dunt do CDs...
-- Number of piercings: none yet
-- Number of tattoos: none yet
-- Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper?: Yao Ming. --;; but none.
-- Number of scars on my body: more than 6.
-- Number of things in my past that I regret: --;; deres no way to count.

My Father thinks I am: a bad girl xP smart, not good enough
My Mother thinks I am: a very bad girl, dumb sh*t, My sisters think I am: a bad girl, smart. --;
My brother thinks I am: smart, nice. --;
My grandma thinks I am: a good girl, smart, lame cuz i dunno taiwanese x*(
My Grandpa thinks I am: a good girl
My Boyfriend/Girlfriend thinks I am: uh doooiiiiiiii?
EGO...
-your three best qualities: loyality, ablity to keep calm, creativity --;;;
-three worst qualities: procrascination, weak in the body, weak will.
-three things you are often complimented for: hair?eyes?stick-like-ness?
-a compliment you got that made you blush: i dunt blush. damn im dark.
-you get embarrassed when: when i look akin to an idiot xD often occurence
-makes you happy: friends, reading, writing, family, music x)
-upsets you: lotsa things upset me..>.<
Yes or NO...
+you keep a diary: used to...
+you like to cook: yes
+you have a secret you have not shared with anyone: yesh
+you fold your underwear: yeah
+you talk in your sleep: i dunt think soo..
+you set your watch a few minutes ahead: ob course, but i dunt have a watch nemore >.<
+you bite your fingernails: not reallie
+you believe in love: it can happen to those who are fortunate.
last...
x. movie you rented: uhh...i dunt rent reallie..
x. movie you bought: LOTR
x. song you listened to: f4 + wei se mo shi ni [how come its you, sung by Vic xPP] x. song that was stuck in your head: Mandy Moore + Only Hope x. song you've downloaded: Avril Lavigne + Why x. cd you bought: dun rememba x. cd you listened to: a collection of rap/sap songs x) x. person you've called: parents
x. person that's called you: michi-chan
x. tv show you've watched: Just Shoot Me/Blue Streak xD
x. person you were thinking of: bro + sis
do...
x. you wish you could live somewhere else: no not reallie
x. you think about suicide: I have before...
x. you believe in online dating: nah
x. others find you attractive: >.< they'd have to be blind/crzy
x. you want more piercings: yes
x. you want more tattoos: yes
x. you drink: not reallie
x. you like cleaning: i dun like it but i can do it well
x. you like roller coasters: yech
x. you write in cursive or print: i do both
x. you carry a donor card: nope
have you...
x. ever cried over a girl: yeah
x. ever lied to someone: parents
x. ever been in a fist fight: nope
x. ever been arrested: nope
What...
x. shampoo do you use: Pantene, Infusium conditioner x)
x. perfume do you use: sumtin by Givenchy, ::shrug::
x. shoes do you wear: whatever...heels/sneakers

Music - 50 Cent + In the Club --;;
go, go, go, go shorty its yur birthday
we gonna party like its your birthday
we gonna sip bacardi like its your birthday
and you know we don't give a fuck that its your birthday
......im into having sex, i ain't into making love x)

10:40 a.m.
Archive

everything became wundaaafEl again at... Thursday, February 13, 2003.
bllehhhhhh, in school, free period and BORED as hell =X no interesting things to do...ehh past few days have been okay...my SS grade is really not gonna come up ::SIGH:: whateverrrrs =) on wednesday, went home with Liz...got hit on 3 times...consecutively...::laughs ass off:: oh well. umm........math quiz...i better get it all right...it was really simple....math contest, just missing ONE of them ::pissed:: but whaattteverrrss daz sitll 5 extra points xD nvrmind the extra 10 pts that would've helped me! but yeah im not complaining anymore....life is okay...x) it better stay that way...i REALLY hope i dunt mess up anything tmr....bcuz tmr's the day before vacation and i'll have all this free time to FREAK out. lets see all the things that can go wrong...
SS - ARGH ARGH ARGH ARGH ARGH nvr mind.
Free xD
Biology - Quiz...fork...i hope i do really well. digestive system shudn't be daaaat hard
English - quiz, poster, journals due.
Art - art reading, art picture, look up Reformation info
Spanish - TEST on chp 10
::sigh:: then i have chinese lesson....ahhh watever. =X jus randomly ranting =P but alrighttt...me gonna go find ms. rich and get an art book...lateerrrs.

01:15 p.m.
Archive

everything became wundaaafEl again at... Monday, February 10, 2003.
wow i did much better than i thought i did. and i feel really bad about my grade in english cuz i in NO way deserve that grade...like...im REALLY really really bad in english...but she gave me an A...i was honestly expecting A- cuz my FLE wuz just so crappy...but i guess the Raisin in the Sun thing with Lior was just so hot she had to gimme an A!~ xD i love Lior she so sexy!~ but okay...i honestly can say i have no complaints about my report card....im just waiting on my biology grade bcuz wyner didn't do it properly so --;;; but okay..
music A+ i love mr. rosenberg!
english A ms cook is really playing favorites i feel bad
spanish A i did not earn this grade...total FLUKE, but then again DANNY AHN got a 97 on his spanish test so i guess....easy teacher x)
phys ed A- i would be SHOCKED if i got higher
CPR Pass i guess i didn't need to study and earn high grades DARN IT!~~~
Math A+ i think mr. hankin was not thinking clearly when he gave me this grade. honestly. =X i feel really bad....i jus did well on my last two tests...soo --;;
Biology duNNooo yet!
SS B this is the only grade i earned. and honestly it was HARD earning this grade. bcuz i fuked up so many times on term paper and on tests so im content. i jus HAVE to do better in future, or im going to KILL myself. i really will. pout. =P
but over all...yea i guess i did well. Hopefully i got an A in biology...bcuz i worked madd hard and i got good grades on tests + lab reports. so...::crosses fingers:: there must be hope!~~ but alright...im done gloating...i just dunt feel like dealing with ppl asking me every other second what i got in whatever subject. so whatevers...now im gonna work TWICE AS HARD second semester!~ xD i HAVE TO PASS 9th grade. todae i have MADD SS hw to do but ima do an EXTRA good job. and then i have Math hw...and then Biolgoy prelab...and then Spanish. okie. laters
F4 + How Come It's You
in honor of the fact that they performed at Mohegan Sun and alla these ppl were telling me crap about the visit to the concert....one of the ppl got hit on by the background dancers and got their numbers, emails and crap...--;; and then they got autographs + frEE tickets front row. aiiii yah. but oh well its just f4...shudder. =P
04:34 p.m.
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everything became wundaaafEl again at... Sunday, February 9, 2003.

wow im like spazzing!~ WHOOOOhoooOT!~ i've officially over-procascinated and im like varyign between giggling like mad or just freaking out over the fact that im gonna FAIL ss. its a BYOOOOOTIFUL thing. but whateverrRss...im staying up all night...and then sleeping in class tmr. lOLs. or if i remember to bring a sleepign bag i'll sleep durign my triple. =) but alright...i just needed to relax for a moment than *jump* into working on my ss report. alright. going. now. i think. i don't feel like it. but i will. in a second. now? nahz. this is more fun. delay the torture every second! fight till the very end! the end has come. n o w . later. lols. =D wish me luck Brian McKnight + still the one
07:37 p.m.
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everything became wundaaafEl again at... Saturday, February 8, 2003.
well so much for the stablity of my last blog...--;;; well neway...on friday...well....i was really hoping that my chinese teacher would have a cold and NOT come...and I could spend a peaceful afternoon at barnes & nobles...but...no...things don't EVER work out in my favor. And I was just...bitchy...and irritated...and I wanted pain...and distractions. I REALLY wanted someone to deck me so badly...I wanted a throbbing cheek, I wanted to get slapped, jumped and shit...because I just felt undeserving...I have no reason to be bitchy and retarded. I'm ungrateful and useless...::SIGH:: but then i was very....edge of drunkness-breaking-downess... and its queer when your next to a person who went through the same thing the day before *encouraging* you to break down. >=P but I didn't. I pulled back from the edge, and calmed down...and felt emotionally drained. gosh. im such an emooOoshunal bitch. and then when i got home i half broke down. I wasn't thinking coherent thoughts as to why I just was like sobbbbbbbb :;sigh:: sniffle sooooobbbbb. and then i stopped. and then all was good again. dang. my parents think im crazy. like emotionally imbalanced. but then they do the whole "leave her to god" because they DUNT HAVE TIME FOR ME, and i wud KILL THEM IF THEY TRIED and they DUNT KNO HOW TO HANDLE KIDS and did not complain/notice that i came home an hour later than usual with a dead look on my face. PHEW. just had to get that off my chest. but now im a lot better. im emotionally healthier --;;; ERRR... but neway...as long as this doesn't become a cycle of emotional instablity...because then i would kill someone...is idiocy part of adolescence? becuz if it isn't....whatever..
on another completely random topic...ppl never get to do what they want to do, what they have to do and what tehy want to do or sometimes different. for example me. I want to go out and get drunk and smashed and fucked up with my friend from laguardia. tho i dunt think she would take me ::pout:: i want to fuck up my life...and spend it on drugs and clubbing and die at 16. its so much easier! but nope.... i *have* to go to columbia, yale, princeton, stanford etc. there's no other choice. there really isn't. feet fail me not, this is my ONLY chance to live the life i want to. im at extremes, either get to the top and live there or don't try at all. whats the point of trying if you dunt succeed. Success is not a journey, success is a point at which you arrive. and i need it. i need to feel productive and CEO and proud and making use of my time on earth so im not wasting God's time and MOST IMPORTANTLY...when i become successful...not having to worry about money and all that shit...i could help people. and i really need to. more then anything else. i would join a gang to help people, i would love to give hope, bring people out of darkness...but if i can't even take care of myself...if im the person whose fucked up...how can i possibly help others? and giving help...needs money. needs brains and experience. when i go to college i'll prollie end up with like a million majors...psychology is DEFINITE, and then economics? i dunt know...and then writing....sociology? whatever...but thats the only path i can take...but right now...i dun't think i can go there. but i have to proactive raai? like karen? if you want something....you can only work towards it in hopes u'll attain it....and in my case...i have to. there's no other choice. no other way. success.
Nas + one love. i wuz sending out an email todae....and just out of some whim....i put - ming 1<3 xD lols im silly. incredibly retarded. =/
10:49 p.m.
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everything became wundaaafEl again at... Thursday, February 6, 2003.
recently i've been such a *pig* its horrendous. I do my work JUST so i can sleep. I drag my ass to school in anticipation of the quick passage of time so that i can drag my ass home, do my homework and sleep. its pathetic! it is! but thats how life is for me when theres no real purpose or well...anything. i talk to people a little then snore away. And then i "pay attention" in class...dat reminds me i shud read through Bulliet...and print out notes lols puah. but...then...all i really have to do is english. I don't have other homework...I would do my math but im NOT that dorky....I have to write JOURNAL entries for English...::sigh:: I shud type it. I really should. but im too lazy...so as soon as i finish this i'll do it. Dang, ms. cook sed we would have less homework too...=X and then i really wanna do a good job in the script because little by little im like "Sure Thing" and I want to do it well...even if i have to play opposite Nick ::sob:: oh well. Not like dere are any real choices in our class...honestly...like Paul? Steven? James LO? or better yet...Wayne ahaha =P but oh well...its a cute script. And then Lior gave me a book to read....while my dad just tossed a HUGE book at me...and a binderful of stuff....cause he wants me to translate english in church. Honestly. ME? im the laziest freak under the sun [read pig] so yeah...and its also im half afraid of the change i'll probably undergo after i read the book...its intensely religious. Like this person was locked in the Bastille for her believes....i think its hilarious that Jeanne Guyon is the basis for a lot of modern Christianity and she's a woman..and women don't do well in the Bible....lols yes...but anyway...She has soooo many books...and I know that if I read them I won't be the same. I won't curse as much, I probably won't be half as lewd and perverted as I am now...I would probably stop cheating on tests LOLS! And all this good stuff. But honestly, im in limbo right now, im between a full christian and atheist its the strangest thing. lols margaret + karen + torrey prollie wincing, ouch dunt do God stuff here. But hey, its a part of who I am...*definitely* not the side that comes out more often but hey its there. But now...I'm at a crossroads, i can end this limbo...or i can hang around. ::sigh:: I'm just gonna read the books...and hopefully...i'll discover im still allowed to be catty after being all christianzied. ::siGH:: margaret if you thought i was "religious" before...i never even MENTIONED god...i would'nt dare to go there...cuz i love my atheist friends. Religion just isn't an integral part of society, it has very little to do with who some of you are. Or the lack of has very much to do with who you are...but for me... Christianity was what i knew first, and i hate to think of what other road i could've taken. But i know it wouldnt be pretty. :;shrug:: i don't know...its religion...im not sarah...im not Faith....i've never been to a CYF meeting and I don't know if i want to even go...i don't know anymore. Some days i just want to up and call it quits...but something pulls me back to God. ::sigh:: How come my sister + brother never had to do this damn thing! But nooo, I have to stay home the most, deal with expectations the most. Be a doctor, be a good christian, work and translate in the church...HI I JUST WANT TO SLEEP. MEALS ARE BARELY NECESSARY! I JUST WANT TO sleep and get through life....man im so not getting into a good college...with my grades and "extracurriculars" oh man im FRUCKED. im not going to an ivy league...like i think im going to fail my SATs and my SAT IIs and screw up....one wrong step...::sigh:: i used to have hope and expect things of myself but the fact is im a lazy biash. I can't handle half the stuff I need to. Im scared of the term paper's we're gonna have to write for Social Studies. I'm so scared of Calculus and math...I'm terrified of Speeches and C/T aspects of English Class...I'm scared of Art History...im so scrood for SAT II Biology its not even FUNNy...im so scrood for the Math part on the SATs...and i've really been AVOIDING taking the SATs in a BIG way. Thats really not smart. but i can't help it. the passage of time terrifies me. Just think of all the things ima have to deal with....and then college apps? Essays? INTERVIEWs? SHUDDER!~ =P yea im riddikulus. honestly the only thing im looking forward to in the future is LORD OF THE RINGS III and HARRY POTTER x) but okay...gonna go be good girl...and then guess what my bed time reading is gonna be =P lattttaz.
Music - Missy Elliot feat. Ludacris + One Minute Man
i know your raising an eyebrow. Ming typing this entry out listening to this? nOt my fault my play list is....uncooperative....lOLs oh man.
08:46 p.m.
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everything became wundaaafEl again at... Monday, February 3, 2003.
im supposed to be doing social studies. that seems to be too much trouble so instead im looking for lyrics. good solid lyrics that make you think, arounse emotions, make you tremble with regret, make you cry because its much too beautiful for a dirty soul like you, makes you want to run away...because you have no hope of attaining the perfection a song can bring to your heart. I don't know what I'm looking for right now, all i know is when i reach it on my mp3 play list, i'll know and i'll type and i'll smile at the artist for adding such a poignant line that i love so much. and then i'll be upset at myself for not doing social notes instead of listening to bits and snippets of good music..and eating instead of typing and all those maddeningly idiotic things. but i'd rather find one or two lines...hell maybe a verse that is beautiful or grotesquely tragic...than read those damn wierd lines in Bulliet and type bullshit for my new teacher to read. ::sigh:: And this is why i stay up so late even though i persist in doing nothing.
there's a place so dark you can't see the end
skies cock back, a shock that which can't defend
against a rain that sends dripping acidic questions
forcefully the power of suggestion
then with the eyes shut,
looking through the rust and rotten dust,
a small spot of light floods the floor,
and pours over the rusted world of pretend,
and the eyes ease open and its dark again

in a memory you'll find me
eyes burning up
the darkness holding me tightly
until the sun rises up
Linkin Park + Forgotten
so not poignant. grotesque. a image of a burning memory. ::sigh:: it'll do. probably food...then the industrial revolution...wonderful =P i'll blog....really...some day. =P
07:47 p.m.
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everything became wundaaafEl again at... Monday, January 27, 2003.
lalalallala at joycie's house rai now =) i had a fun fun fun sleep over except we alll were sick cept joycie =( we drank sooooOoo much tea and ate pasta and yuMmmie pizza and stuff...and margaret slept...for hours...and still is...we watched a little of the princess bride and then we saw lilo + stitch muahahhahaha it was okay nooot that great but oh-so-adorable! and then alias which was reallie reallie gooooD i dink ima have to start watching tv again >=) and then...the others it was a good movie but i was sleePy as hell so i fell asleep ^^;; wasn't all that scary puahaha vacation is good bsides for the fact that im soOoo sick =/ oh well. but it was fun to have this sleepover and just *chat* into the night and stuff. =) carlota lauey cudn't make it cuz she wuz sick, she underestimated *our* idiocy of messing around while we sick. lalallaaaa and boredem strikes, getting picked up at 3:30 and then cleaning room, doing chinese stuffie...sleeP puahahhaa hopefully this vacation will be just as much fun as the last one and have more shopping and meeting up w/ ppl...in one single week...im also getting my hair cut and lols if i can-ima convince my mommy to let me get my hair straightened =P but yea i'll miss saying no i didn't straighten my hair >=( i want pampering nd stuff =P lols i also wanna wooOrk out. my poor stomach. =( oh man, joyce's electirc scale thing makes me wanna cry =( but karen + i have the sammme weight most of the time which was quite terrifying i guess the ass puts a lotta poundage. ^^;; but lalallala me gonna turn the beautiful flab into beautiful abs --;; alrity margarets awake gonna go irritate her =P lalallal byyyeee
Music + the sound of idiocy in the bg. =P
02:53 p.m.
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everything became wundaaafEl again at... Friday, January 24, 2003.
ahaha sudden poetry...not good but its a start ^^

Its been so long
The smiles we’ve shared
Days of happiness under the sun
Nights of joy with the stars and moon
I never claimed to deserve you
But I never said I could live without you
But you’ve gone, so far away
Not across a river or an ocean
Not across thousands of miles of land
But where I cannot follow
How can I say goodbye?
When I long for your embrace,
Hope once more to feel the touch of your lips,
To dance once more under the moonlight on that same beach.
How can I say goodbye?
I had once believed that anything was possible...
That death was just another beginning…
One door closing meant two doors opening.
But that faith…
My hope.
Was buried with you.
Just say goodbye.

lols that was pretty bad =P but its a start for me...i was honestly thinking bout the krn song by JTL nd i knew i loved that idea..it got twisted but i guess it ended okay...ehh i just love beautiful melodies that inspire =) hopefully i can write a lot more...i have a Mega bio test on Sunday puhahah so im not going to church going to chill @ home or mebbe at movies? Joyciee decide on your stuff please thank yu. email me at tinselstarz@hotmail.com or call me at 8958 some time...sat afternoon. x) ehh vacation sounds so gooOOd to me right now. I need the break. shopping and such =) I'm also getting my hair cut...if i still had nails i would get my nails done =P lols the downsides to basketball =X but oh man, this semester was pretty fun...im glad its over though. =) always look towards the future i guess...what is here now will pass. That is certain. The only thing that is uncertain is the future. And thats both dangerous and *incredibly* good lols. So just in case i get run over by a car tommorow or i get killed in flushing or anything...i fucking love all of you. lols =) oh man watch i jinxed myself...nahhhs i'll die when im...16 =P or 26 =P hehe im in a good mood. call me i'll put you in a good mood too.
Enya + Ever After
puahha
07:41 p.m.
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everything became wundaaafEl again at... Tuesday, January 21, 2003.
i don't know why but for some reason i feel so...relaxed =) so happy and calm even though i have 4 major things to study for and do. --;; oh well. intersession...soooo close...yet so far. ::sigh:: oh man. lets c...must discuss english with lior --;; probably staying out ALL of tmr geez. uummm...ss and biology rite now...until lior signs on. then discuss english. I'm so not in the mood for school work =/ im in the mood for...sappiness...love... even a little heartache. I'm in the mood for down - right emotionality lols. im in a pretty good mood i guess...=) gonna try to keep positive, maybe if i give up on ss i can write a couple of lines in the book lior gave me....maybe start copying quotes or watever...i just need a way to find myself again. *sigh* i will keep positive, i will not scream...much. =) alritey then...i'll probably blog later on tonight...and HOPEFULLY i'll be able to wake up at 4 and study some more =) wish me luck. i love you!
Creed + Weathered
i've been worn down, weathered by life, storms, rains, lightening pounding down my spirit. but in the end you can only live on =)
05:50 p.m.
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everything became wundaaafEl again at... Monday, January 20, 2003.
okay so NOW my parents think im SO DISTURBED. but its not my fault im high strung and easily set off. like seriously my dad wuz like, are you abnormal? whats wrong with you? why you upset at pictures? honestly its not my fault the science textbook is so disgusting!~ i wuz flipping INNOCENTLY THROUGH looking for info on hydra + sexual reproduction and i come across an earthworm. *wince* okay whatever. then i come across earthworm and earthworm lined up fucking *wWINCEEEE* move away from page. i flip i come across paramecium lined up fucking *wince shudder sigh* i flip i come across a male frog ontop of female *hahaa the female is larger ahahahaha* i look down on the corner of the page where my hand is. i jump. I see big circle with little squiggly lines out of it. *i step away from the book* SQUEAL. ick. ick ick. sperm fertilizing ova. EW. NO SEX for mEh EVER EVER EEVER EVER EW i've been traumatized. i move on. and then i decide to squeal abotu it online. and as i talk about it images flashing in my head i start breaking down gradually. ew ew EWw ew EWwww.. trigger tears ew ew ew, trigger hiccup and laughs. eWWwwwWWW nasty science text book...gonna have to dissect worms trigger panice eWwwww hiccup laugh. and then i stop. and then i get dinner from mother and i say oh my god look at the pictures ew so nasty. i catch glimpses as she flips through normally and im just like EWWWW. and i step away from the book. and then she bugs me and im like between laughing my ass off and tearing and crying and my STOMACH goddamn hurts because im laughing so hard. My dad makes rude coments bout my idiocy my mom is like aww its okay im afraid of heights u are of...pictures of worms. its okay. --;;; im like gEEEe greaaat. and i dink it wuz just a combo of mai high-strung taut gRRRRrr must tackle school to floor-ness and the pictures and just i've been feelign emotionally DEAD forEVER and i haven't even SNIFFLED for the LONGEST TIME...that i just got so tired and sick of it and i wuz like EW worms SNIFf Ew ova and sperm EWWWW little white whiggly lines EWWWW get me out of here EWWw. so yea. my dad thinks im crzy. actualyl they both think im just NUTS. AND HAAVE SERIOUS BIOLOGY ISSUES. like they're like doooooode you nuts? you have something wrong with you! why this stuff set you off! And i cant possibly be like, tis stress and Everything not just this. because they'd rant and rave and eventaully be like go to sleep and pray and stuff and i CANT i have to study and work =/ gosh im nuts. but whatever. skip pages 429-436 in the txtbook. well then again mebbe im just overreactin. when im calm i'll go see it again. and then i'll decide if i'll ever have sex LOLS. ew. but im sorry im crzy but emotional release. ::sigh:: oh man shoot me. people...SLAP ME tmr when you see me, i am so goshdarn messed up in the head. Nas + One Love
random song playing currently.
09:26 p.m.
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everything became wundaaafEl again at... Sunday, January 19, 2003.
haha i blogged. =P when i have something to say, prollie before or during intersession i might actually blog. lols. =P or if i write something akin to poetry or something remotely interesting i may choose to post it. but mean while =P scroo you im not blogging.
11:03 p.m.
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everything became wundaaafEl again at... Wednesday, January 15, 2003.
i promised myself i wouldn't
that i would take baby steps
walk away from it all slowly
one
step
at
a time.
promised i wouldn't look back.
but i've glanced back, seen what was in the past
and pain is all i know now.
im backsliding i know i shouldn't

mai spazziness lols. i dunno. todae was okay...im gonna have to put all my faith in God, and lols sry atheist ppls ^^; but iunno...i did badly todae...but im staying with my hope. i'll get excatly what i deserve good or bad. deres an order to this insanity called...life. ::sighs:: =) im some how glad this is my biggest problem..people are getting killed out there, people starving, fighting to stay alive for their children...and some where out there...there are people who would do anything to be as lucky as I am. so why am I not more appreciative? ::sigh:: im tryign to enjoy the life that is mine, play with the hand that i was dealt but somehow i always feel like i'm on the losing side of things. but im holdign on i guess...2 more weeks of this insanity rai? or maybe just one...i have 3 tests next week I should really start studying...^^;;; Then im going to chiiilllll out for a week and enjoy my vacation. shopping, playing the whoollee enchilada ^^. bcuz when i get my report card...::sigh:: i tried alrite? i tried, i did my best. If that wasn't enough well then shoot me, i'll do better next semester. --;; this blog was really...long winded and queer...prollie cuz i wuz writign in segments...i promise to do a better one tmr. bai
Music + silence
08:32 p.m.
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everything became wundaaafEl again at... Tuesday, January 7, 2003.
boredem =P rai now...worried bout my ss paper...i gotta make photocopies and stuff of things and give it to rosof so...--;; but i think most of the footnoting mistakes was just me being...incredibly dense? and me working at too late of an hour --;; oh my. but...im worried...i dunt think i did well at all...=X ::sighs:: im going to kill myself really...but tmr...i guess...before math tutoring? I'll go to central library pick up the books and photocopy it at my house....i dunno yet if im gonna have to mess with the photocopies. --;; oh well...i'll see. other than that...i've basically stopped giving two shits about my english...whatever if i have time i'll do a rewrite...if i don't...screw that. and also...margaret's handbag hmm... i'll deal with that later...but okay.... gonna go work or somethhing...--;; alritey..dunno what im doing tmr...suggestions? other than going to the library... ai yah +.+ movies? and lol did you know that ELLE yes the fashion magazine is quite interesting? makes for o.0 0.o good morning subway reading poohhaahaha =P --;; no i promise not to dorkify myself anymore. alritey i'll blog more later...and when i slowly feel better todae ima force myself to write. early bed time todae prollie...=)
06:32 p.m.
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everything became wundaaafEl again at... Monday, January 6, 2003.

well my love of life definitely dropped today...to dangerous lows...but oh well. whatevers rite? im too flippant to care muhhahazZ but alritey...vacation went away...good bye...=( and lotsa crap came back to *hunt* me bcuz i expected too much from the world. but daz alrite. ya know why? because when something breaks your heart to those tiny little shards...the more effort i expend to put myself together, put that stupid glass heart back together, mend each little piece together...makes it stronger until i build a heart of ice never to be melted. i wish i didn't care. i wish i wuz able to not care, not give a damn about the world around me but i see too much pain, too much...wrongness in what could've been a beautiful world...but no...im too emotional. i can't sit back while people suffer...but im helpless. dang im such a sap...you shud've seen me while i wuz watching the silliest drama...its really...not good...not a decent plot or anything...but the silliest things have a way of touching my heart i guess. i am such an utter...sap. i hate to see unrequited love, it looks so lonely...like giving your heart to someone only to have someone not accept it...bleh wrenches mai heart out. i don't know...im babbling...but i have to work harder...live better...do better be perfect. =) but okays...math hw not reallie done...i dun get one ob da problems..dunno if hankin wud let me use this method...spanish...i have a crap load...--;; and then millions of other things i shud do to catch up. will I? probably not. the odds of mi caring? not high. =P haha alritey. me out =) i love you all and lols must find suitable hand bag for margaret...then i'll say happy birthday =P mu-ha-haz. lols im going shoppign soon aren't I? ::sigh:: dang --;; i honestly must have NO life. but shopping is a gud life to have...im thinking of adding skirts to my wardrobe...yea or nay? =P aytz im out! for real!
Music + Nicholas Tse + Hidden Dragon
he drives a ferrari in this video. ::sigh:: he's ugly in this video...bad hair ::shrug:: its an interesting song..::shrug::
08:04 p.m.
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everything became wundaaafEl again at... Wednesday, January 1, 2003.
hola!~~ its the new year =) mixed emotions about it...yea time passing is a gud thing but i wonder what *could've* happened...::shrug:: spilled milk is rotten now so no use sticking around for the fumes =P but aytz...vacation is near over...i have a chart thingy due tmr...started some research but still haven't decided whether or not to include inhalants and steroids in the chart bcuz dis is for a high school thing...::shrug:: im def. finishing it tmr...i did basic research on a site so tmr im headed for a library to return books from the ss term paper and also take out a few on drugs...maybe some leisure reading?
i also recently finished this REALLY gud trilogy....at first i wuz like o.0 wow a society based around female dominance...and sex lols. but i get why its like dat now...its really a sweet trilogy after you survive the first book...Lizzie gets dibs because she's been haunting after me for it --;; oifz. you know how really a lot of really good series...they always leave off at the beginning of fun. They NEVER go into the details of a joyful life...but dang...after all they go through why can't they humor the reader a little and give us fluff =P but blah...really good series...its gets you kind of attached to the characters and you can see why people take their course of action...sometimes not detailed enough but...over all...good book. If you ppl have time tell me and i'll start you on the first book...
in another news...gah. writing is not my forte anymore. i feel stupid for ever liking writing. im more suitable to sitting back and enjoying other ppls...nothing comes naturally to me anymore...i thought...that this vacation could possibly cure my insanity...but...i guess not. some things aren't meant to be...i can't woo the words of my heart as i once had hoped =P so i don't know anymore...i just have the concentrate on my work and stuff...and cheesy flicks =) and if Ms. Cook ever assigns ANYTHING creative...im screwed. ::sighs:: how did things end up like this? English class last year killed all my...."creativity"...or maybe I'm just too messed up? i feel bad...Lior gave me a book to enjoy writing with...but for some reason i can't find the heart to use it...because im not worthy of it anymore. i feel like i lost something...i don't have inspiration or anything... im just a sappy loser. but people like me don't need love...rite? don't want love? can't stand love...hate to love...:;sighs:: this is idiotic. =P stupid hole in heart...die die die....must fill with choclate!~~ muahahah ^^ yea im pathetic shuddup. but ugh...i need to go out for a walk or something....o man dancing in the rain 0=) ::sighs:: its a beautiful thing. alritey...i was rambling...and if you read this far...im proud of you to put up with my shit. i may or may not do a new years rant...later.
Keke Wyatt + n0thing in this w0rld
i dont know. so don't ask. --;;; ::shruggg::
02:24 p.m.
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everything became wundaaafEl again at... Saturday, December 28, 2002.
bleh, read over something i started before my cousins came and before i went on a anime kick ^^

One step at a time, just one step...then another. One foot in front of another, to the left, the the right, forward, together, lean and twirl. Won't you dance wtih me tonight? Lets dance a dance of life, of love, of joy, of pain and sacrifice. Forget not those who died but dance in their memory. dance with me in the falling snow, drift weightlessly on this white earth. dance because we can never forget, only accept and move past. learning from the past that should not be hidden. dance with me in the night, let us today revel in memories, some bitter, some sweet...and still others heart wrenching. We can only live our life as a dance. Like falling petals embracing the wind that carries them - swirling to the ground, sometimes broken, sometimes joyful but never ceasing in motion - embrace the life that you live...dance for yourself...for others around you, for those who cannot dance themselves...and you will dance the most glorious dance of all...

okay so that was cheeeeSzy and bad but its all i've been able to pounD out of my riddikulus head =P ahh KILL MEeeeh!~ I can twist the dance theme a little...you know the whole cheeesy fight scene...or i think I might want to do the point of a view of a killer. like a natural assassin, someone whose just born with the smooth instincts of a harbringer of death...::sighs:: im morbid ain't I? btw...as for the time...i just woke up...sorta....after watching Noir...so I don't rightly know WHEN i got to sleep =X all i know is im awake, but i dunno if it'll be for long =P dere goes a yAAaaaWN. alriteys...laters.
Music - Sarah Mclachlan + Angel
bleh =X did i mention im a sap and a gay ass? goshieZ...i need to be shot and killed.
06:43 a.m.
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everything became wundaaafEl again at... Friday, December 27, 2002.
=) =) =) goood days have come to pass...even though they're gone now you can still smile at the memories rai? ahahah i lOVe my cousins...toooo much fun =P drag me alll around NYC tehehe snow in central park, random catholic churches, shopping, rockefeller center, chinatown =) yuMMz, 34th st, flushing =P they came off schedule so dey could only stay a 3 days...but the first day it snowed like CRZY so we stayed in watched movies nd stuff...da second we romped around and stayed up talking for a LOoonnG time...i learned so much about my cousins...particularly on in pertikular and im going to KILL him when i see him >=) but not the point...it just reminds me how much i have to work and stuff...::sighs:: im sick of being stupid...not understanding chinese nd stuff...and lols i sorta wanna learn cantonese now...and japanese...duz that even make sense? china and japan are like serious enemies and i want to learn both --;; alRitey then =P and then we were gooiinng to see les miz but then it wuz waaaayyy too long and my parents would not let us loose in nyc til l am....so we saw the christmas spectacular which was HORRENDOUS...nd we stayed out till 11 =P wendy's for "xiao ye" =) silly us. but o man...too much fun, i hadn't laughed like that...since...ever. release of evil ming =) i wanna have lots more vacations like this...no homework almost...a lil more than a week to do stuff...the only regret i have rite now....i still couldn't write anything...and thats really irritating me. i dunno...something just happened to me last year...and it just lasted...i can't write. i mean i never wrote really good stuff before but now its pure trash...oifz....i mite go crzy...but okay chinese lesson...soon...=( i suck so much its not funny at all..::sighs:: and then after that...anime =) i hope you all miss me online =P muahaha. i love you all =)
Kelly Rowland + Stole
sad song...sorta =P reminds me of everything i have...and that anything is possible just dont let the chance pass you by ya kno?
05:39 p.m.
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everything became wundaaafEl again at... Tuesday, December 24, 2002.
god im a loser. guys dunt read this. =P whatever dont read this unless ur ready for seriously bitchiness =P =P nd loser-lyness nd gay-ness nd stuff lols. god im such a freak. but is it WRONG to dream of nething but this...im so...discontented...tho i shudn't be. i dunt get it!~ i need to stop watching movies, gotta stop watching cool action shit. =P im jes so very attracted to the guys ::wink:: nd their beautiful hair ::sighs:: damn im a loser. what can i say...some ppl have nice eyes...some have nice smiles...some are just drop dead gorgeous - in liz terms - bangable XP shuddup. but iunno i love their personality.....im just thinking about [fake characters] that i've like adored and its quite stranged....deres the slightly normal guy...azn boy hair =) its sooo PRetty!~ nice eyes cheery smile nd stuff but oh so good in fighting nd humorous in a practical joke way...but oh so serious sometimes...gah im STUPID. nd den deres the sarcastic bitchy kinda guy whose just dark...but extremely loyal...da kinda guy you would do anything for, to help him. and then theres the self sacrificing guy whose been hurt way too many times, and you would do anything for, as long as they'd never have to see pain again, ever so sweeet but ever so deadly. =P shud i be shot? please shoot me? why am i thinking about guys? i remembeer when love was last on my list...then a bunch of suffering guys in movies came along...and i dont kno why but i cant stand to see anyone suffer at all...not excatly tear jerker...more like damn i would do ANYTHING to help dis guy...why am i thinking about love? why am i so fucking unrealistic? --;;;those guys come in action films nd anime...i live in a plain boring world where there is no need for heros...::sigh:: some dreams dont come true. espcially not mine. i feel so old and out dated....im dreaming of impossible things. nuthing is like da movies
but okay i've been thinking up this story sequence or watevers to fit that damn quote of karens with the one more step ruins a dance...and also shove in my current favorite characters/people and my head hurts so shuddup. =P its harder then you would think...i think im going to go to sleep and hopefully dream something up...cousins nd aunt and uncle coming over...goign to see les miserables...im going to be absent from the online world for a while...muahZ i love you all....i don't need a guy while i have friends rai? raite....sure....lols god kill me
Nicholas Tse + How Can I Forget Her
shuddup margaret =P gaHHHHH im such a LOSEr =( im a sucker for good hair, nice [small tho...--;;] eyes and a nice smile =) gah useless entry
11:31 p.m.
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everything became wundaaafEl again at... Tuesday, December 24, 2002.
I've been absent from the...general world...for a while yea =P well i've also been a good girl and studied and started on the road to good grades =) im amazed at myself nd im happy that [GOD] is on my side once more =P to all yu atheists bcuz i didn't just say that...but whatevers. uuhh...haven't watched movies tv or ANYTHING so i decided to indulge over mai 2 week vacation...my sister provides entertainment....too many chinese movies...and omg, me nd my sis confused these two actors...Nicholas Tse and Edison something lols im such a chink...im too lazy to find correct pin ying for dere chinese so bother some one who cares. but WHoaa, nicholas has nice hair nd nice eyes nd he loox good with FOBBISH AZN BOY hair =P yu kno what i mean the longish streaked hair covering part of the eyes... ::SIGH:: i want bangs like dat...if i had bangs like dat i would buy like a funky kangol hat and wear it JUST to keep mai bangs in da front and piss of teachers taht think im not listening bcuz dey cant see my eyes and and and im babbling =P not mai fault he loox good in some pics...but he dresses like a gay lil...=P bleh NOT THE POINT
went to LOTR and HP today. iunno i dun get the hype about it....sure it wuz good, i laffed and laffed...not very scary....legolas got all the cool moves, jumping onto that horse and using the shield for a snowboard....but aragorn is still much better =) ya kno why? cuz he has the pretty neckless nd pretty eyes nd i love his personality =P hp wuz stupid. im not into it anymore...i KNEW IT all those good draco fanfics...dey killed my appetite for REAL books nd movies ::sigh:: i jes keep on hoping..let draco be good all dat stuff but ::sighs:: dat wud be too complicated DAMNIT. =( whatevesr...11-6 in movie theater ouch mai ass hurted like a bish. =P but okay...newayy
pre movies theater....my bro came home, went shopping w/ him for his gf =) saw liz, paid off fine...some of it...40 sumtin dollars left =P lolols liz is SO very silly. but uuh...sweater stuff...books...moonlight path...ahhh da essentails of life. =P RElaxation is phat. i didn't jes say dat....enjoyed sleepign bunk beds w/ mai sis 2 nites in a row, fell asleep watching a fight --;; im speshul wat can i say...then church...eh midly interesting =P sat around w/ youth group slightly disturbing...i guess diff aspects of my multi-faceted personality come out around diff ppl..:shrug:: i bet none of yu realized that ming can akshullie be...NICE!~ =P
okay well tmr...either going shopping w/ my sister in effort to find black/gray pants or...sleeping in...writing...watching anime. hmmm i WONDEr which i'll pick --;; i can always call one of yu out if yur feeling up to it...dunnos. bleh did i mention that i want mai penchant for finding hot well dressed guys back? =( i want my sleek black/gray clad guys!~ damnit i remember when i'd turn around nd deres 2 lols =P iunno im jes playyyingg. but neway...random note...sara from witchblade...da MOMEnT im old enough to wear a leather jacket...i kno JUST where to buy that leather jacket she wears. MADD nice. =P changing wardrobe shuddup. but okay...karen's blogg stuff lols...i would love to list all da moments this year but there are too many that are dear to my heart to list =) nd with such varied ppl....but i'll say this...i started dis school year with a lot of doubts and sadness, the whole looking back on the past and missing so many aspects of it...but i survived. I lived past all that crap that threatened to pull me down and always will try to pull me down. iunno my heart nd soul is still like...a lil scrood up i guess but i live...dmanit...lols. nd if i, coward of cowards, can survive stuff...all of you who are much stronger than me can live. =P but i guess...i got over it. finally...::sighs:: i have a feeling i'll sink into it soon enough but lemme enjoy it briefly okay? i've decided to live for others if i cant manage to care about myself to live so at least...my life wont be wasted. my utter disregard for life is rather shocking ::raises eyebrow:: o well...but blAH...i have to write...im poisoned with bad writing...i need a good character! i need all my lost creativity...::sigh:: but okay...this blog is too long, too random nd too bitchy...
Music - Nicholas Tse + Dragon / You can't stop me!~
first one is quite interesting...sad-ish...second one is nothing speshul except its funny as hell nd me nd my sister have made an insane joke on it --;;; we burst out laffing too much --;; =) ming out.
12:14 a.m.
Archive

everything became wundaaafEl again at... Friday, December 6, 2002.
i dunno what im doing anymore. [sound familiar as hell? its the same old same old shit. lols rewind da tape =P] im going to try just a free write exercise thingy nd post it on mai xanga...i akshullie NEED comments okay ppls? like how yu liked it, what could be betta nd shit. i dun want eprops frum yu ppl if u dun give me criticism nd shit. im tired of eprops fer no gud reason but whatevers dis weekend im gonna try to catch up on sum shit...saturday i have the oppurtunity to shop a lil dunno if i will =X lolols but aytEz im out. jes checking in so karen wunt kill me...but neway...did yu kno dat stars shine brightest in da night? diamounds only found in the darkness of the earth...the most dire situation calls for the most brilliant leader. so where's mai fucking light? its pretty fucking dark dese days...nd i swore i would stop cursing so SLAP me if i curse ayt? lattaz x) love you!
Tupac + Me nd mai girlfriend
interesting
04:46 p.m.
Archive

everything became wundaaafEl again at... Monday, December 2, 2002.
o man...i finished mai hw madd early, read a bunch of stories, caught up, and im happy. but then i read liz's xanga and karen's blog nd everyone's stuff nd now im just like...dang when did they grow up and leave me here all by mai lonely child-ish-self? xP lols but oh man, propz to them for thinking so hard, dat kinda shit blows mai mind before i can formulate mai first sentence...nd lols liz's christian influence [::rolls on floor laffin:: i love God, really i do =P dat dude is just too dang coolz!] nd hahaha have yu noticed? i've stopped cursing. or im trying desparatly not too most of the time. be proud. encourage me, slap me when i curse or else i'll do it maiself. =P nd oifz in response to karen's blogger, dang i used to be like that too, all motivated nd crap, then i sed blah dis all...and now im re-motivating maiself desperatly. gah. nd as for mistakes nd stuff..me too...dang...me TOO!~ im still embarassed over things that happened so long ago nd stuff...nd i guess in hindsight...wasn't that bad but its all good now...looking to the future, hoping it'll be bright...::shrug:: nd for liz's xanga...the ppl working their butts off rai now...[like i shud be?] im looking forward to the future nd praying i live that long...because im too young, too foolish to know anything rai now...nd im too afraid of what those experiences might teach me. i spin out of control very easily as >=P so yeah...im going straight, sailing straight, fastest way to a brightest future. lolols man im cheesy. but blah tis truue. nd sooo many ppl are perky...torrey is MADD happy x) all writing nd composing nd song stuff...now daz da way all yoou ppl SHUD be. if i see yu crying theres gonna be hell to pay ::Growls:: x) but okay...im going to go write or sumtin use mai creative energy...OR take a 3 hr bath..hmmm what sounds better =P laters! Music + Nelly - Number one
08:07 p.m.
Archive

everything became wundaaafEl again at... Saturday, November 30, 2002.
okay since last times entry wuz pure shit nd karen gave me like props for it lols i feel bad nd im in more of a mood to blog....sorta. Christina Aguilera - Beautiful is on repeat right now and I'm really trying to listen to it and and NOT be touched by what its saying =P its such a gud song and im sorry but christina is a gud singer. I honestly could care less if she was a slut, DANg that girl knows how to improvise and sing. it makes me feel so inferior =X lols. hmmm im a procrascinator and a dumbass, haha inferior mai ass 0=) but lols lesh c what work mingie has to do for monday.....
_SS TERM PAPER + FOOTNOTES [prollie most urgent one]
_bio notes 60-64
_english river map [ouch]
_english questions [i have the answers...0=X]
_read for english finish boook =)
_study for spanish during triple lunch[OUCH]
why all this homework? whhhyyy? ::cries:: bcuz i have no self control and im an IDIOT =X fanfics, movies, quality time are so easy to pick over homework --;;; and being sick doesn't really help =X suck dick! i dunt want to do homework. i want to write, i want to sing, i want to fly, i want to cry mai eyes out, i want to break down, i wanna be able to say scroo this world, goodnight. But noooo i have to do mai hw first --;; ai yah. lolols im such a fob damn leslie and her aiiii xP but dang...i want a leather or suede coat!! lolols. trench coat allll da way! akshullie that leather coat from witchblade is reallyy really...just incredibly swoon worthily nice. nd i saw an EXCAT replica of it in dis shop in forest hills i want it sooo bad, nd den i dink...poor animal...and then i dink...ming leather???? whaa? soo yah not getting THAt netime soon dangit. lols yoo kno da chances that I get to go out again are high. Im trying to bribe maiself desperatly, finish term paper and footnotes and english PROPERLY w/o cheating...edit on tuesday, go out and play on wednesday...or just shop mai ass off...and on saturday watch a movie after mega...=) sumtymz i just need the little things to look forward to you know? I figure you just take it one step forward at a time, with a little help, you'll make it to the end. Life is a very long possibly endless road, there is no reprieve and no slowing down...however, if you just convince your feet there is something to look forward to, they will shift an inch or too x) lololols im maaddd stupid s h u t u p! nd oifz...cam'ron - hey ma is pretty fucking chauvinistic...its an addictiing song but i can't help but WINCe at sum shyt dey say...stupid fucking ganstaz ! ::growls:: treat the fucking girl RIGHT. blah...speaking of all things perverted and wrong...
TheMan31088: shove that up your pipe and smoke it
tINsElwiNGed: ya kno, ur not a veery nice pershun WaYNNooo
tINsElwiNGed: xP
tINsElwiNGed: u need sum cheeRi0z
TheMan31088: lol
tINsElwiNGed: xPPP
TheMan31088: yea thats what iim missing
TheMan31088: cheeRi0z
tINsElwiNGed: no ur missing
tINsElwiNGed: hunny NUT cheerioz
tINsElwiNGed: u ball-less mother fucka!
TheMan31088: o.0
tINsElwiNGed: =P
TheMan31088: dont get me started
hahahaha theman is wayne x) nd im a horrible person i kno believe me i know i've lived with myself for far too long. xP but okay blah, posting a poem cuz i cna't write.

If Death is Kind
By: Sara Teasdale
Perhaps if Death is kind, and there can be returning,
We will come back to earth some fragrant night,
And take these lanes to find the sea, and bending
Breathe the same honeysuckle, low and white.
We will come down at night to these resounding beaches
And the long gentle thunder of the sea,
Here for a single hour in the wide starlight
We shall be happy, for the dead are free.
The dead are free =) Music - Nelly + Air Force One
11:05 p.m.
Archive

everything became wundaaafEl again at... Friday, November 29, 2002.
the wee hours of the night are open to me once more =) but daz the only gud part of mai dad lols. burned calories messing around w/ mai sis nd bro, saw big trouble, century of the dragon...lols dang stupid thxgiving weekend, i dun get nething done in terms of work --;;; damnit. nd once more guess where mai thoughts turn? why do i have so much time on mai hands, i feel it slipping away but i dunt care i dunt care i dunt give a shit nemroe i jes need to get this out, and then work, who cares if i don't sleep for a long time? hibernation is overrated, living is overrated. happiness...true love...take a hike. dis store is closed, no ur not welcome nemore, the train has left, the next one isn't coming nemore blame it on terrorists. It takes mai breath away when I realize how happy my friends are right now with their boys =) nd some of them need a guy oiffzZ i got to up some confidence levels, help them out with happiness, purpose all dat, i mean some girls jes need guys...::koff karen koff:: lols im jes kidding but im sry, yur so much happier ^^ even torreys in the clouds with kangaryu x) let time stop? keep them the way they are, jes content, can the world be perfect for a moment more? can love conquer just. this. once....not to mention lei nd her boi dan x) ahhh so many happy people. delirium.
watch me while i ramble ne? shuddup yu kno im stupid. but blah....all this love love love love. stupid love. i remember crushes, attractions, and maybe once upon a time love. but tmr has come and gone, the past leaves me with no regrets besides ever moving forward to the present. damn relationships, screw dat i feel like im too old for that shit lolols. i feel too blah, too ugly, too shity for all dat shit, God never sed all ppl have a soul mate rite? lols ::hopeful innocent look:: xP love is sacrifice, its everything beautiful and peaceful...and at the same time...it means that love is pain. there are 3 sides to love, the 3 sides to a triangular story...but at the same time...only 2 sides...inside a relationship and outside. have yu ever spared a glance at the one who gave up all she had? the one who sacrificed and decided the happiness of the one she loved would always be enough...who had no choice but to be happy so she wouldnt ruin a fairy tale? all the pieces don't really fit...but how can we expect the happy to give a shit. let go let go let let it all go. love love love, what is it worth? when true love comes grab and hold on tight but the ride is gonna hurt like a bitch.
12:00 a.m.
Archive

everything became wundaaafEl again at... Wednesday, November 20, 2002.
wow...it seems like im da only one whose a fuck up loloolss. o man, loTSA ppl are like super fucking high nd happy ^^ im sooo happy fer dem...its sorta like, dang about tym yu were happyy biatches, but at the same times its like, dang i miss those days when i were happy too ^^. im dead, dead-er than i eveR was last year lols. It seems so strange to me...comparing this nd last year but i guess I prefer this year...sorta, its so nice to have cheeery friends ^^ nd it makes up for mai self-lack-of-life lolols. yea...but whateveRz ya kno? im gonna try...no internet for me haha i'll catch up w/ ppl in school...I think...::sighs:: o man. i've like LOST my ability to stay up crzy late. --;; its horrible but yea...I'll keep trying...I gotta keep studying all dat shit...man, i DUN GET HOW CHARLOTTE DOES IT. dat craaazy ho =T but okay...im going to stop procrascination. ::period:: nd work like a monster...I have a half day tmr to catch up nd preview school work...nd no school on friday. guess who mite be actually GOING SOMEWHERE? lolols...but iunno...i kinda want to go to roosvelt field mall w/ joyce, karen, margaret...xmas presents!!!! 0=) but bleH. I can also go shopping around manhattan w/ torrey so...::sighZ:: o man. on one hand, the shopping around manhattan i can prollie get away with....::shrugzZ:: dunno. but all i kno is i have a hella lot of work due in the coming weeks...SS TERM PAPER nd i REALLY shud work on it. so if i stay in on friday...im almost *determined* to finish the term paper...or at least like organize note cards nd outline nd research so that the term paper [only 4 pages NO MORE] writing will be super easy. soo....dunno. be a dork? or shop? ::blink:: man...im so supeR determined to pull up mai grades so...guess which im leaning towards? ::sighz:: i wanna have a GUD THANKSGIVING and i want to have something to give thanks for...so...mebbe stay in. =) okay...me go now. going to go to try NOT to fail mai classes.
*muahz* Music - Nas ft. P. Diddy + Hate Me Now
god dat video is gud =)

01:25 p.m.
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everything became wundaaafEl again at... Monday, November 11, 2002.
ahaha, me make many entries on xanga...i posted a story there so yay ^^ but neway...um...ALL YOU SMART PPL OUT THERE! dunt EVER call me on 261 3272. ALWAYS call me on 261 8958 okay? private line...quite useful ^^ daz da only line yu'll prollie ever get to me on. i dink mai mommie's intercepting mai fone calls lololss...but neway...ehhh, i dink im getting ALL B's on mai report card lololsss wunt that be funny...i can throw maiself offa a cliff or sumtin...ai yah. but lets jes say...if mai test scores dunt go soaring to like...andrea high's...unhappy bad things will happen. including knives nd guns nd nd yea...nd hehe...i wunt ever achieve mai dream of a single's mansion =P i need loTsa nd lots of money...meaning lots nd lots of work ^^ must get into gud college etc etc. --;;; yeAH gud luck ming xP egh. whateVerz...me go preview mai biology and social stuff and review mai math nd spanish...
Music - John Lennon + Imagine

06:01 p.m.
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everything became wundaaafEl again at... Saturday, November 9, 2002.
i reallie reallie dislike mai mom. i sWEAR she needs to get *alid* or sumtin. seriously, she's bitching about me about things that will NEVER happEn in maI life time nd jeeZ i already DUNT HAVE A LIFE nd she's trying to take mai like, last shreds of dignity away? ai yah. lols i am not "fun" pershun xP im a mooddy biAtch =D but eeshIez she's pretTY fucking bitchy to me nd me no comprende why. nd gahZ i dink i pissed *3$$& off...^^;;;;; mebbe i'd have a greater appreciation for life if i had a chance to lIVE it nd ENjoy iT nd have sumtin to LOOK FORWARD to but all i see down that road is da same thing, more pain, more disappointment, not a lotta briGht spots on dis dark road, so no thankz. sum1 wanna take me out? da worst hell dere is...dat i can imagine is mORE of dis...nd heaven wud jes be a rest...::sighz: man i wish i wuz atheist sumtimes. den i cud jes stop eberytin nd jes do wateVaz i want to do. oh man...i dink i def. pissed him off aiish im such a DUMBASS sumtyMz it like...but whatevRz...im in a mood again..yoo kno dat crawl under covers nd hide from the world thing? yea...
Avril Lavigne - Losing Grip
yuP she's back [in black] lols frum mIIB? ^^;; im nutz
12:08 p.m.
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everything became wundaaafEl again at... Friday, November 8, 2002.
i lost mai f0cking muse! i can't write anymore. not a PEEP outta creative mIng dAMNIT! the weekend in which i cAN take time off to just WRITE...my muse ditches me. whatt the FoRk? ay yahhhh!!! ::snifFFlezz:: not fair...x( mingie want sap! mingie want violence! mingie want death nd betrayal! =( suckiEness abounds =X im like THOROUGHLY tempted to just fuck this nd jes go to sleep but its tooo early...nd nd nd yea...damnit. i demand my muse back x( im too depressed for this shit neway...whatever good came out of that semi-relaxed half day went STraiGht out the window. its g0ne babee, never here. gAhhhhZ mann....i promised myself a new beginning, so im getting one. God help me =X
+ i will stop talking back to my mother
+ stop being such a mean person ^^
+ stop procrascinating so Forkin much
+ stop cursing. =X
+ study more nd more nd more
+ dorkEtte! =)
+ stop being perverted [Ay yaH]
+ stop using the internet as a means of prOcrascination
+ write more
+ sleep more
+ be more...ladylike lols...less raucous...
+ be more old fashioned?
+ don't make bad racist jokes
+ more phone less internet...8958 ^^
+ help more...=X, =T + decide whether i am a social pershun or not. l0ls ^^
+ all in all, be a better pershun
lols yes mingie is being introspective nd quEEr, run and hide! quick! lols betta then her bad writing nd poetry...darn it. x(
Brandy - Full Moon

09:44 p.m.
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everything became wundaaafEl again at... Tuesday, November 5, 2002.
blah. i am NOT a xanga ho i am not a xanga ho i am not a xanga ho...fuck yes i am a xangAr ho im jes not proud. xP but lolols, most mai *shit* is here neway...but on funnie note...
EmperorDyl: Hey Ming, you wanna go out witth me?
tINsElwiNGed: no thanks dylan
tINsElwiNGed: i luv u nd all, but ur too sexy for me ;-)
EmperorDyl: Wow, that was the nicest rejection I've got all night.
tINsElwiNGed: lols
tINsElwiNGed: what can i say, when i reject, i do it rite
EmperorDyl: lol
nd nOTe...dylan is a very interesting white boy who eesh extremely smart. however i am a bitch. so leave it at dat. ^^ he's an intersting character thoo...mixes up hunter a bit....but okay...um... i dun have nething significant to blog about....::shrug:: no real emotions...slight contentment cuz tmr half day nd i have free first, music 2nd spanish 3rd...nd EAsy shit...soo ^^ pretty happy
Music - JLO - If you had my love
11:14 p.m.
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everything became wundaaafEl again at... Sunday, November 3, 2002.
dance like nobodys watching,
love like you cant be hurt
sing like nobodys listening,
live like heaven on earth.
-anonymous
today is MOST definitely a blogging day lolz. all dese quotes popping up....

dance like yu wunT fall flat on Yur face,
love like it d0esn't reaLLay hurt,
sing like yU kn0 what yur doin,
live...because dere is n0 udda opti0n
hahahah yu love me xPPPP
Music + Pink - Family Portrait
04:22 p.m.
Archive

everything became wundaaafEl again at... Sunday, November 3, 2002.
Does he know what you feel?
Are you sure that it's real?
Does he ease your mind
Or does he fake your stride?
Did you know that
Love could be a shield?
N'SYNC - Girlfriend feat. Nelly

lol i wuz watching da vid for this...and when I wuz watching/listening to JC i heard that line, did you know that love could be a shield and I wuz like struck by how profound even b-oy b-and b-allads cud be. but lol i HAte that vid cuz dere jes DANcing nd making out w/ da girls nd da girls dun even REACT to wat their singing...daz soooo Stoopid nd emotionless Gahhh. but man its suuuchh a nice sweet line...yesh mingie is an idealist. shADap, i need sum cheery idealism rai now...ayTez...gonna go work mai ass of...c yu latta if i live that long xPPp
Eminem - lose yourself

03:14 p.m.
Archive

everything became wundaaafEl again at... Saturday, November 2, 2002.
i hate when mai parents start being stupid...y dun't dey jus fucking yell at me instead of trying to do it in a less direct more roundabout way. dun bring uddas into this shit. right now i am SOOOOOooo beautifullly fantastically PISSED OFF nd TIRED of being PISSED ON by the world nd EVERYTHING in general. go suck sum1 who gives a fuck. what the hell do you want from me? i never claimed to be perfect, never claimed to be neone BUT me. mai parents think I don't KNOW how shitty i am nd what a shitty person i am and will be if i don't turn around. but dey also can't see how hard im trying, how much i want to change. dey don't even boter for any shit........gahh...im sorta pissed...im reallie tryng not to...but its like, i can't be the person they want me to be. What am i going to do? sit there while the back of my eyes are burning? brimming with stuff i can't let out? just not be me? well if daz what they fucking want thats what they'll fucking get! but i can try all i want the fact is, somethings are not meant to be and dey gotta jes DEAL with dat shit. dey haven't lived my life, done what i've done they shud jes recognize dat im trying nd SHUT THE FUCK UP. AIIIII mother fuckers.... im trying not to be mad... i really am but sumtyms i jes gotta LET GO. nd i can't. i shudn't i reallie reallie reallliee shudn't cuz if i do i wunt turn back nd...im not that kind of person. don't make me be simply to hurt mai parents....
Linkin Park - points of authority
ha! xP

09:23 p.m.
Archive

everything became wundaaafEl again at... Friday, November 1, 2002.
all i can say is, im sorry for once again being stupid nd draggin ppl into mai shit. argh im not excatly on gud terms with mai parents-by-blood. nd i dink i scrood up extra bad dis time. man i almost threw gracie's present...eghHz. i've gotten a luxury for too long, i forgot how to be quiet nd reserved. lolz. its hard to revive things you thought you didn't need anymore but i guess its back again...call a friend, guess whose back guess whose bakc guess whose back...lolz...eminem - without me excerpt. ^^ excuse mai idiocy...but..okay...things'll get better....rite? cuz deres very lil ways it can get worse den this...lol mai downward spiralllll haha. egh. i dun wanna eat...i wanna do mai ss notecards...nd den fuck the world. i dun even wanna make a "y i hate myself list" nd i ALWAYS want to make a list. xPPPPP but okay... im done bitching....i bitch to much...me nd mai girly ass bitchings. god i need to be shot, killed, beaten and hung out to dry. or u can jes bury me alive nd save urself sum truble dere...god i hate feeling worthless...lol. okay...sappy shit coming up...i dink i may have posted it...but i need sumtin to let myself not go nuts so ha!

<> <>

its a beautiful thing ^^

11:14 p.m.
Archive

everything became wundaaafEl again at... Wednesday, October 23, 2002.
ehhh, wuddup? feelin ayte i guess...one step at a tyme rai? ^_- blehzz. mucho hw! soooo hard xT xT xT math test...if i dun get 98-100 do u unda stand how focKEd i am? i gotta pay sooo much attention when im doin da test geEEzz...but hehe, got coat...jacket thingy mububy. oh dearrrieez. it loox sooo much like liz's banana republic nd im jes like --;;; ERFz...mi bad...lol. but hmmmMMmz...its madddd pretty nd comfy nd stuffie...da joy of randomized shopping @ forest hills ann taylor. nd lolz...if i can convince mai mommie to keep shoppin like dish, i can break into her wardrobe wahahha. but hmmm for xmas...for the guys dat im pretty close to haha i want to get them all matching zippos...or in da youth group's case neway...i'll split w/ leslie or sumtin...or mebbe...all a|x shirts...i dink daz SOOOOO funnie.....haha steve...a|x...::rolls on da floor:: but yeaaa...okay...i dink i'll be spending a lot more than i planned...i THINK im not sure yet...but oOOfz...i didn't want to cut into mai money to straighten mai hair againn lol. im such a lame ass dun kill meh xP. but okie im dinkin bout what to get ppl...mai planner has like mai LIFE in it, its pretty sad...haha but okay...jes wanted to let yoo kno, im still alive nd kicking...nd minkyu is a funnie ass imbecile nd if he sees dish im prollie dead...da fUnnnieest things happen to him...::koffz:: i shudn't telll you...i really shudn't...dis lil girl kinda lost her balance nd like...fell into him but da thing is he's standing up...she's sorta short...nd she jes iunno kept on stumbling...nd dat looked kinda...awkward bad...^^ nd den i dink he has problems balancing...::whistles innocently:: you didn't hear it from me. hoNESTly. lol im such a GUY...i act like one neway...i wunder, ming acting guy-ish in da girly ass coat...a sight to behold ^_- tehehe. but oooHH shit i jes thought of sumtin...since it wuz ann taylor...i didn't excatly think of trying to kick in da coat...nd if i can't kick...::Squeals...nononoooo... daz bad! ::gRRRrrr:: i have to go nd try it out.....lol im such a wierdo...but damnit...
Monica - Right Here Waiting For You
iunno...Paula Cole - I don't want to wait was playing before.....i dink dat wuz more appropiate for mai thoughts then.....i don't want to wait for our lives to be over, i want to know right now...will it be...i don't want to wait...will it be, yes or will it be sorry?

09:01 p.m.
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everything became wundaaafEl again at... Monday, October 21, 2002.
nononononononooooo its back. again. dERFFFFz. ::so madd:: its drillin a larger whole in mai heart, god it hurts. its not fucking fair, why do I see this side of the world? I get to have fun, chill on this side of the grass wtih da death nd mayhem nd well...despair nd shit. It makes me soooo mad cuz all i have is helping others, nd its like...deres ppl i just can't cuz...iunno dey wunt let me? nd it PISSES me off nd im just like...whatever, i'll pick up pieces and all but ARGGHHHZZZZZ ub oya gdan ezh ow ish in ut, nlia nka ow iy nya ey ub nke, an uho ow ife el oha odu ish njia iza at nshe gshan. at nzhe nzhe ish iy eg oha nre....nda ish ek gnen uji ish ow izh ug izh ij....::sIGHZ:: damnit......nd lol...if u figure out how to read dat, um, u get a prize o.0 lol but if u figure out how to read it...yu'll be confuzzled i dink...LOL. but damniittt...PIssy...nd lol i notice im not a gud conversationalist. haha. argh. sumtymZ i jes wanna....scream...die...bleed...fuck it all. lol. nd lolz...i wuz listening to P.O.D. - youth of the nation, alive, madd old i kno but...."mebbe this kid...for a moment forgot who he was" make da moment pass already. JEEZ. nd lol...i guess as it sez it in alive...i guess im taking life for granted, knowing it'll prollie be dere tommorow...talk tommorow be pissed todae lol. but gag, i feeel deeaaaaaaad nd zombie ish nd not...alive at all...dang i am so glad zli checked dis blog before nd not after dis entry or else aiyaahh, devotion of time to da wrong places...everything yu say to me...takes me one step closer to the edge, and im about to break...i need a little room to breathe, cuz im one step closer to the edge...i find da answers aren't so clear, wish i cud find a way to disappear....nothign seems to go away......
ming nd her angry girl/bitch/alternative music crzyness...with this layout too....argh. watch me change it back. damnit. PROGRESS DAMNIT. gagglez. too much energy wasted on being pissy....but too much energy wasted on trying to act happy too. lol. meh gonna be sooooo dead in school tmr. but OKIE. bottoms up, face down. lololzz....i wunder if u caught the reference...im jes kiddin but dang...dis is y ppl kdrin. but aytz....im out...gotta do math...speakign of which im fucked for thursdae...god i need help ::pout:: okie...........i sorta wish....but its da sort of thing, uddas need to sort out. not meh. so...yea....whatever happened to those days where i liked mai self alone nd chilling? nd no one reallie knew me, all dat shit. maaNz....yu dink writing nd acting is risk taking? LIVING is risk taking. ^^ Music - Jennifer Lopez - im gonna be alright
pure coincidence...DAMNIT i half-wish i wuz recoverign frum a guy...i dink nething is better then now...but its okie i guess...nd dat voice inside sez im gonna be alrite. lol.
07:54 p.m.
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everything became wundaaafEl again at... Saturday, October 19, 2002.
okay, what i stopped myself frum doing has been done! for better or for worse. lolz. sort of a new beginning, but with the fact that i may regress in mind...so ::Shrug:: check my archive for previous entries...nd previous layouts lol...but umz...sappiness is back full force! suteki da ne means isn't it wonderful if u genius's cudn't tell ::Growls:: but um...yea...IM BACKKKK!~~~~ lolz. but um...im dinking of doing a writing combo thing on da four seasons...because mai chinese teacher assigned an essay on fall since its ending...nd i tawt it mite be a gud idea...nd mebbe translate a happier version of it into chinese to hand in as my essay? sooo...yea.... daz all for now....hehe, i hope yu like da layout nd stuff ^^ hehe, nd since its all byootiful nd white nd happy...i'll refrain frum BITCHING AT THE FACT THAT MY GRADES SUCK DICK....yea....okay...lololzz..jes had to get that out...feeling pretty cheery...shopping...gave into gettin a tommy shirt...feel slightly guilty but its too pretty for me to give a fuck. but okay...whatever...nd lol...random observation...youth group wuz STOOPID todae....
Rikki - suteki da ne
its a coincedence! i swear!
10:46 p.m.
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